sleep apnea
i have sleep apnea and other sleep issues. it gives me major brain fog. it affects my memory, my mood, my ability to communicate clearly. it makes me late for morning meetings. it causes me to fall asleep randomly. it’s started fights and ruined relationships. i seem thoughtless, lazy, and out of it. people expect me to be in as good of a mood when speaking to them as i am when i have the most energy, when i feel the most myself. but most days i wake up exhausted. so they get offended by how tired i am. by me yawning. by me struggling to focus. in the past people have made me feel irresponsible and ashamed. people don’t respect your sleep boundaries or allow you to sleep on your own schedule. i also don’t look like i should have this problem. i’m not a usual case. i’m not doing all i can to deal with my sleep issues. i don’t feel i have the time to not perform to the best of my current abilities while i figure out how to sleep better. superiors have gotten upset i haven’t met performance expectations while also telling me i should already have a solution for this that works for them and their understanding of how i should function. i also mostly feel so sad because i think between this and my depression i’ve genuinely gotten dumber. i feel like i haven’t met the potential i had when i was a really smart and focused kid. my brain doesn’t work like it should have been able to based on where i started. i’m sad a lot about what i could have accomplished if i didn’t have sleep issues. i don’t remember the last time i was truly well-rested and woke up not tired regardless of the duration of my sleep. i don’t know why i’m saying this. maybe because it’s not something you can see and it’s one of my biggest struggles. i don’t want advice. i want more people to have patience. i want a moment of rest.
